and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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