Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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