I need help removing her.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
