I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
