I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
