omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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