i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
