Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
