you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
