A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
