so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
