i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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