and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
