3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
