i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
