There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
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