you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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