Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
