it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
