can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
this hospital has no fireball
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
