a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You are a genius and a whore.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
