Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
