I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
