we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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