fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
