the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
