I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
