Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
