the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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