just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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