Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
