Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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