He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
