and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
