it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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