Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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