Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Everything about him screamed your future.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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