So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
