Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
