So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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