I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
