I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
