C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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