Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Acid is not a monday night drug
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
