woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
