1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
