I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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