I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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