Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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