I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
