Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
